Have you ever looked at your husband and thought, “Why am I just not feeling it anymore?” You’re definitely not alone. That spark and attraction can fade for all kinds of reasons, and it usually doesn’t happen overnight.

Let’s break down why you might be feeling turned off by your husband and—more importantly—what you can actually do about it.

Why You’re Feeling Turned Off By Your Husband (And How to Fix It)

You used to get butterflies when he walked in the room. Now? You might feel… nothing. Or worse, slight annoyance.

This isn’t about being shallow or unreasonable. It’s about real emotional and physical responses that develop when relationships hit rough patches.

The Real Reasons You’re Feeling Turned Off

Communication Has Gone Silent

Remember when you two could talk for hours? Now conversations might feel like:

• Short, practical exchanges about schedules and chores
• Surface-level chats that never go deeper
• Conversations that quickly turn into arguments

When we stop really talking and listening to each other, emotional distance grows fast. One study from the Gottman Institute found that communication breakdown is one of the top predictors of divorce.

Resentment Is Building Up

Maybe he forgot your anniversary. Or perhaps he consistently leaves all the emotional labor to you. Whatever it is, those little (or big) hurts add up when they’re not addressed.

Unresolved conflicts create an emotional wall between you. And let’s be honest—it’s pretty hard to feel attracted to someone when you’re still mad about something they did three months ago.

You’re Both Completely Burned Out

Between work, maybe kids, finances, and gestures broadly at everything in the world right now, who has energy for romance?

Emotional and physical burnout is a major libido killer. When you’re exhausted, the last thing you want is one more person needing something from you—even if that person is your husband.

He’s Emotionally Checked Out

Many men struggle with emotional expression thanks to good ol’ societal conditioning. Instead of talking through issues, they might:

• Withdraw into work, hobbies, or screens
• Become defensive when approached about problems
• Shut down during difficult conversations

This pattern of emotional avoidance can make you feel incredibly lonely, even when you’re sitting right next to him.

Physical Intimacy Has Disappeared

I’m not just talking about sex (though that’s part of it). Maybe:

• You’ve stopped cuddling on the couch
• Quick goodbye kisses have become a thing of the past
• You can’t remember the last time you held hands

Physical touch releases oxytocin—the bonding hormone—and without it, connection fades fast.

The Criticism Cycle Is On Repeat

When every interaction feels like a potential landmine of criticism or defensiveness, it’s natural to pull back. No one wants to be around someone who makes them feel inadequate—or be the person making someone else feel that way.

Life Has Pulled You Apart

Between his late nights at work, your busy schedule, and maybe kids’ activities filling every spare moment, you might be ships passing in the night.

According to relationship experts at The Marriage Foundation, couples need at least 5.5 hours of quality time together weekly to maintain connection.

How to Rekindle Attraction and Connection

The good news? This doesn’t have to be permanent. Here’s how to start turning things around:

1. Upgrade Your Communication Game

• Schedule actual talking time without phones, TV, or distractions. Even 20 minutes of focused conversation can begin rebuilding connection.
• Use “I feel” statements instead of accusations. “I feel lonely when we don’t talk in the evenings” hits differently than “You never talk to me anymore.”
• Ask better questions. Skip “How was your day?” and try “What made you laugh today?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?”

A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who practice active listening report significantly higher relationship satisfaction.

2. Address Those Elephants in the Room

Resentment doesn’t disappear on its own. You’ve got to:

• Pick a calm moment to bring up issues
• Focus on finding solutions, not assigning blame
• Consider working with a therapist if conversations keep derailing

Remember: The goal isn’t to win arguments; it’s to understand each other better.

3. Rebuild Your Emotional Connection

• Find activities you both enjoy and make time for them weekly
• Share your inner world even when it feels vulnerable
• Notice and appreciate the good things about each other (tell him when he does something you like!)

4. Bring Back Physical Touch (Gradually)

You don’t have to jump straight to sex if you’re not feeling it. Start with:

• 20-second hugs (long enough to release oxytocin)
• Hand-holding during walks or while watching TV
• Shoulder rubs or other non-sexual touch

Physical connection often leads to emotional connection, which can reignite attraction.

5. Manage Stress Together

• Identify your biggest stressors and make plans to address them
• Create routines that give you both downtime
• Support each other’s self-care without resentment

When both partners feel supported, attraction has room to grow again.

6. Break the Criticism Cycle

• Focus on what’s going right instead of what’s going wrong
• Express appreciation daily—even for small things
• Take responsibility for your part in conflicts

One Harvard study showed that positive interactions need to outnumber negative ones by at least 5:1 for relationships to thrive.

7. Get Professional Help If Needed

Sometimes you need an outside perspective. A good therapist can:

• Help identify harmful patterns you might not see
• Teach communication skills specific to your situation
• Create a safe space for difficult conversations

The Bottom Line

Feeling turned off by your husband isn’t a death sentence for your marriage. It’s a signal that something needs attention.

With intentional effort from both of you, that spark can return—maybe even stronger than before because it’s built on deeper understanding and communication.

Remember: Every long-term relationship goes through phases. The couples who make it aren’t the ones who never have problems—they’re the ones who learn how to work through them together.

So have that conversation. Make that therapy appointment. Try that new date night idea. Your future selves might thank you for not giving up when things got tough.